On May 20, Peggy and I celebrated our 52nd anniversary!
We are so thankful to God for the wonderful journey on which He has led us. Our
story is not a unique one but it is our story of God’s love, protection,
provision and grace.
Peggy and I met in the early fall of 1966. We were both coming off broken relationships. I
was absolutely captivated by this beautiful brunette who could play the guitar
and sing folk songs like an angel! I had to see more of her! On our third date,
I scared her to death by telling her I wanted to marry her! To my good fortune, we were married in the
spring of 1967! At age 21 we started a
family while I was working full time and going to night school at Georgia State
and working at a restaurant on the weekends. Peggy had her hands full raising children.
That left little time for the two of us to work on our relationship.
We both had our thoughts of how a spouse should be. I
had the “Father Knows Best”, “Leave It to Beaver”, “I Love Lucy” understanding
of how a wife should be. She had the same vision as to how a husband should be.
Of course, neither one of us grew up in that “Utopian” environment! We both set
about trying to make our spouse into that idyllic person we thought they should
be.
After graduation I worked full time in the hospitality
industry, first as a wholesale wine and liquor salesman for two different
distributors, then as general manager of a popular restaurant which catered to
affluent young singles and local sports celebrities. The hours in that business
left little time for home life. What time I did have away from the restaurant I
claimed as my time to relax. I was very
self-centered, not a great father or husband.
Peggy wanted me to attend church with her. There were many Saturday
nights when I would get home after two a.m.
I was hardly interested in getting up and going to church! All the while, Peggy was trying to “keep the
home fires burning” rearing two small daughters and finding part-time work
where she could.
We were basically living separate lives! As I tell it now, Peggy said she never
considered divorce, murder yes, but never divorce!! She says she looked at the
future and saw us as two elderly people sitting side-by-side, never speaking,
just watching television. This thought prompted us to seek family counseling,
learning much about communication. It was the start of a healing process in our
marriage.
I mentioned earlier that our family situation growing
up was not the “Father Knows Best” “Utopian” situation. Both of our homes
growing up were dysfunctional. Peggy’s parents divorced when she was a teen and
both our parents were alcoholics. At that time, in our circles, most of the
parents we knew alcoholics. No one ever admitted this but referred to them as
having a “drinking problem.” This was normative for us. When you live in an
environment when things were mostly out of control, one seeks to try to control
as much of the world as you could. Both Peggy and I brought this defense
mechanism into our marriage. It has taken years of counseling and the beautiful
grace of God to continue our growth.
Please hear me on this. Our marriage is not perfect by
any stretch of the imagination. I still battle insecurity and fits of anger. We
still have strong arguments or as I heard one Christian jokingly refer to them
as “moments of intense fellowship”! Here is the deal now. Peggy and I cannot
stand that relational separation for too long a time. One or the other of us will
seek forgiveness and talk about our disagreements, which, annoyingly, are
usually over extremely trivial things. We agree that what we held so strongly
was, in fact, not really a “hill to die on.”
Interestingly, those arguments eventually led us to a greater
understanding of each other.
Now, in last month’s newsletter I described how I came
to Christ. Peggy and her friends literally prayed me into a relationship with
Christ. For the last 40 plus years since
we cemented a relationship with Christ, our love for Christ has grown deeper
and, as a result, our love for each other has grown so much deeper. I can
honestly say that I love Peggy so much more than the day we were married. It is
a richer, more tender, more respectful, and a more considerate love. I can only
tell you what we have experienced in our marriage because of our making Christ
the center of it. I would invite you to consider doing the same.
Please don’t forget!
When you purchase something from Amazon,
please go to: www.smile.amazon.com/ch/58-2009795.
Amazon contributes a portion of each sale to
our ministry!
Each of you is a tremendous source of
blessing and encouragement to me. I am grateful for your partnership in
ministry.
We are:
Together, In His Love and Service,
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