What was the biggest thing that happened in the month
of May for me? That is easy to answer: Peggy and I celebrated our 50th
anniversary on May 20! We are proud of
the fact that our marriage has endured the test of time. Would you allow me to
be a bit personal in this newsletter? I would like to share some of the
highlights of our fifty years together.
We were just kids when we married! We were both
twenty-one. I was in college and working in the restaurant business in various
capacities. We did not know what we did not know about marriage! We started a
family while I was finishing school.
After
graduation, I became a sales representative for two different wholesale liquor
and wine distributors, calling on bars and restaurants. Our second child was
born during those years. My job entailed some late nights “smoozing” bartenders
and managers. The next job I had was general manager of a very popular
restaurant with the singles crowd. This restaurant attracted numerous Atlanta
professional sports figures. As manager, there were many 60 to 70 hour
workweeks. In addition, after closing at two a.m., it was popular for the staff
to go to an after hours nightspot to unwind. As you might guess, I was not a
great family man. I was self-centered. I sought to satisfy my time away from
the restaurant with things I enjoyed. I felt entitled because I worked so hard.
All the while, Peggy was busy raising our two beautiful daughters and working
part-time. Truthfully, it was not much of a marriage. During that time, we
never considered divorce. I suspect, however, that Peggy might have considered
murder! I finally consented to go to a marriage counselor. We began the process
of learning to communicate with each other.
In about year ten of
our marriage, Peggy began attending a Bible Study. There she began a personal
relationship with Jesus at that time. I thought that was a nice thing for her,
like a garden club or other women’s activities. She talked to me about her
newfound faith but I said I was not interested. Little did I know that she had
the women of that Bible Study praying for me.
Here, the plot thickens! Peggy conspired with
her friend in our apartment complex to put on a covered dish supper for
couples. The friend’s husband was on staff with Campus Crusade and he would be
speaking after dinner. I grudgingly consented to attend, looking forward to a
good meal. That night, April 29th, 1975, I surrendered my life to
Christ and the direction of our marriage took an upward trajectory that
continues to this day. I admit that it has not been a smooth, steady upward
climb. There have been many setbacks along the way but the constant presence of
God’s Spirit has enabled us to face the difficult times together; which has
helped strengthen our relationship along the way. We do not claim to have the
perfect marriage. I know I still can be self-centered and an “ornery old cuss”
at times. We still have times of “intense fellowship” i.e. quarrels but now we
find that we cannot go too long without seeking each other’s forgiveness.
What have I learned
in these 50 years of marriage? Here are a few things, guys, that might be
helpful.
It’s not about me. It’s about we.
“If you have any encouragement from being
united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the
Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being
like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing
out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better
than yourselves. Each of you should look
not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV)
Be extravagant with your wives.
This does not necessarily mean money. More
importantly, I believe it means being extravagant in thoughtfulness. Little
things mean a lot. Years ago, when I would travel, I began leaving “post it”
love notes all over the house for her to find. Also, occasionally, I would go
to Kroger and buy a small bouquet of flowers and stick them under the
windshield wipers close to the time she would get off work.
“I came
not to be served but to serve.” Matthew 20:28
Some years ago, I attended a Promise Keepers event in
Atlanta. A speaker named Wellington Boone issued this challenge for the men
gathered there. “Men, seek to outserve
your wife.” Wow. What a challenge! One of the great questions I have
learned to ask is: “Honey, how can I help?” Look for ways you can do things for
her without her asking. When she needs something to be done, write it down,
make a list. We guys love to check “to do” lists off . “Git
‘er done” without her asking twice!
“Is this a hill to die on?
When you are in “intense fellowship” with your spouse,
ask yourself that question. Is it so necessary for you to win the day, to be
right, or to preserve peace and harmony?
Love your wives sacrificially.
“Husbands,
love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians
5:25
These are a few things that I have learned. I do not
always practice them but I try.
What is our secret of our fifty years of marriage? Our
dependence on the love of God the Father, the sinless life, the death and
Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We can also
say that we had the willingness to persevere and not give up on each other, doing
the hard work of keeping our marriage strong, and being each other’s greatest
cheerleaders. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
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